Another batch of fools goes to kick D's Butt =)
by dupers-are-evil
Summary: The evil women from the rogue encampment use another evil marketting ploy to lure unsuspecting travelers into their servitude!
1. A Necromancer's Journey

Ranaklh ran through the halls of the Necromancer temple hoping he wouldn't be too late to take his final exam, unfortunately he had sleep late with a bad hangover due to another one of his famous drinking contests with five barbarians that had journeyed into town, the fact he beat them all merely hinted at his talent. However the ability to drink wasn't very high on the Lord Priest's mind when one of the most troublesome of his students showed up 2 hours late while obviously not quite sober since Ranaklh had burped right into his face. Immediately he summoned a clay golem while backing Ranaklh into a fetal position with a series of small bone walls then instructing the Clay golem to punt it out of the Temple. Later sprawled on road with many bone fragments around him, Ranaklh got up to picked up his belongings and leave town. Since the local guild of Rathma wouldn't accept him he might as well go off on his own and learn from the land. Soon he was moving south through the mountains and forests killing off lone creatures with his trusty crossbow while resurrecting a few skeletons here and there. Unfortunately all he remembered in the lessons about skeletons summoning was all the Nakalth weed he had smoked before class and the skeletons were a little bit disfigured in the way that they were almost all three legged with an arm coming out of the back at the end of which was the skull. Instead of taking this as a sign of personal defeat Ranaklh ever the optimist instead believed it to be sheer creative genius and a new breed of horror that only he himself could master! Figuring that the sight of his minions caused whole groups of fallen to roll on the ground clutching their stomachs unable to get up or breathe was due to some powerful curse his minions could cast, he fearlessly charged into his enemies. After almost a week later after smoking all the Nakalth weed he had left, he finally decided to leave the little grassy knoll where he defeated the evil corrupted acorn-hurling squirrels of doom. Soon he wandered even more to the south and ended up killing out groups of monsters in the Blood moor when he found a strange blade that seemed to be of no real power but had etched on a cryptic message:  
  
SPECIAL DEALS TO BE MADE IN THE ROGUE ENCAMPMENT!!  
  
MANY GOOD ITEMS AT DIRT CHEAP PRICES SPECIAL JACKPOT PRIZE OF MUCH GOLD TO A CERTAIN WINNER! ALSO AWARDS INCLUDE A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF IDENTIFY SCROLLS!! SPECIAL POWERS FOR YOUR WEAPONS! YOUNG BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!!(ONE LUCKY WINNER GETS ONE THAT FOLLOWS AND PROTECTS THEM!) TRAINING PROGRAM FOR SPECIAL WINNER!! AND THE GRAND PRIZE FOR THE SPECIAL WINNER IS A TRIP TO SUNNY LUT GHOLEIN, THE JEWEL OF THE DESERT ITSELF!!  
  
He figured why the hell not? He didn't have anything better to do and he just might win a few of those kick-ass prizes. 3 hours and 5000 porcupine spikes later he finally arrived at the Rogue Encampment. 


	2. Friends from the North

Aldrich had done it yet again, he had managed to piss off the Barbarian Highlord Rocky Thunder Eater the 4th for the 13th time. This latest incident was just another one of the wacky dares/challenges that he had seemed to always agree to. His friends Darius and Jassick had challenged him to another totally crazy contest that no sane man would agree to, lug 450 pounds of equipment in ones sack while leaping across 5 houses after drinking 12 liters of Red Hell Bovine and throwing two heavy axes midleap directly into the bullseye they hung over the wall near the Fort. Not making the leap meant you lose, the rest was decided upon who was most accurate. Needless to say not only did Aldrich volunteer to go first, he drank 26 liters of Red Hell Bovine and in his drunken state put 700 pounds of equipment into his sash, and blazed away like a tomahawk. Not only did he tear a huge whole into one of the houses and breaking through both floors and tunneling nearly two feet into the basement floor, his axes flew through the forts window and landed right on Rocky Thunder Eater the 4th's closet ruining the condition of his armor. Still drunk and giddy as he lifted himself up from the basement he was quickly seized by Barbarian troops of Rocky and promptly thrown out of town. After yelling at the wall and finally being chased off by a large barbarian assault group he decided he might as well move away from Harrogath, hopefully towards a place where he would be more appreciated and could get drunk more. After breaking both his legs in a ill thought our attempt to jump across one of the deeper valleys he was rescued by a Druid named Kudot who had managed to find his half buried form by the side of the valley.  
  
"You barbarians are all reckless young fools with no since of the value of life" he yelled.  
  
"On second thought how many gallons of liquor did u drink before attempting that leap?"  
  
"Hey what good are big wimps like you anyways? No true hero was ever a pathetic wimp who didn't take risks" Aldrich hotly replied.  
  
"Yea but im pretty sure they weren't careful, jumping a valley over 600 yards wide isn't taking a risk, its suicide!" Kurot jested, "Anyway you want a few healing potions or not?"  
  
"Well perhaps you can go down in history as the humble servant of the Great Hero if you want" Aldrich replied with a laugh.  
  
"Well then you got any gold? Cause I'm selling these healing potions for 50000 gold a bottle" Kurot snickered  
  
"WHAT!??!? YOU DARE DEFY THE GREATEST HERO OF ALL TIME?!? YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!!!" Aldrich screamed at Kurot.  
  
After a few minutes trying to get up he realized that he probably should skip the macho hero act for now and attack the druid on his ethics.  
  
"What do you mean you want that much money? What happened to the great balance of life and helping those in need so nature could continue on its rightful path? How could you turn your back on that!?", Aldrich demanded.  
  
"Well can you tell me how one less headstrong psycho barbarian hurts the balance of nature?" Kurot replied with a sly grin.  
  
"Well then can you tell me another who is crazy enough to charge in the face of danger against all odds in order to give his friends time to use their powers?" Aldrich countered.  
  
After considering for a minute Kurot gave Aldrich 7 healing potions figuring he needed someone like a grizzly bear to distract his enemies. After traveling along the mountain route south and digging their way out of an avalanche the Aldrich's war cry caused, the two heroes finally made their way to the rogue monastery. Both were in great moods and all along the road Kurot had told Aldrich about the great drinks, women and bathhouses of the Rogue Monastery. As they kicked open the main door and shouted their greatings they realized many things.  
  
There were about a few hundred carvers staring up at them from dice games and card games.  
  
There weren't any rogues around.  
  
The fields outside were deadly silent.  
  
They better run really really fast.  
  
After taking off across the plains and being chased by 500 Carvers and Carver Shamans they finally ran all the way to the Rogue Encampment. There they also noticed several things,  
  
The rogue leader Kashya didn't look too happy about them leading about every monster from the Cold Plains, Stony Field, and Blood Moor, as well was 500 Carvers from the Monastery right outside her camp  
  
The Rogues looked like they wanted to kill them  
  
They didn't know how to dodge arrows as well as they knew how to run from Carvers.  
  
To be continued… 


	3. The Rogue's Plan: Hook, Line, and Sinker

In the Rogue Encampment..  
  
"Kashya I know you care much about your friend Blood Raven but you simply can't go to attack the Burial Grounds, we can't afford to lose you" Akara intoned trying to cool the nerves of her explosive friend.  
  
"Yes Akara but there must be some way we can stop her from summoning a vast army of undead and desecrating our graves." Kashya replied "My rogues are too spread out and too thin to afford an expedition against the Burial Grounds, she has claimed far too many of my sisters already"  
  
"Actually now that you mention it I think there is a way we can muster some help." Akara smiled ruefully, "We can have Charsi engrave a message on all the weapons we can spare and then scatter the weapons throughout the land, soon we will lure many of the heroes right into our pockets and they can do our jobs for us!"  
  
"A most excellent plan Akara, but which heroes could possibly be crazy enough to believe in a message carved onto a weapon?" Kashya laughed  
  
"Yes Kashya but a reckless stupid hero is exactly the type that we need in order to retake our lands" Akara replied.  
  
::Forward to Present Time::  
  
Ranaklh was practicing his skeleton summoning in the Rogue encampment early, he had almost gotten one of his skeletons to finally form correctly when a big and seemingly blind Barbarian ran right through it. Throughly pissed off at this interruption Ranaklh was about to skewer the Barbarian with a bone spear before he saw what was trailing the Barbarian.  
  
Literally an avalanche of Carvers, Fallen and Goatmen had rushed straight at the gates finally slowing down before they entered the deadly range of rogue arrows, though there were only about thirty rogues guarding the fort the demons were incredibly disorganized as local commanders screamed at each other arguing whether or not to storm the camp.  
  
"We should just storm the camp right this instant! We outnumber them by at least a few hundred troops!" The Goatmen Leader Stonedestroyer screamed, right at the group of Carver/Fallen leaders.  
  
"You're just saying that cause your damn goats can take more arrows than a fallen you big bum, all you want is to use my guys for cannon fodder so they run outta arrows then you go and take all the glory you bum! All you want to do is kiss Andariel's butt" Bishibosh hotly replied  
  
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WIMPS SMOKING!?!? THERES BARELY 30 OF THEM AND 700 OF YOU HOW THE HELL CAN YOU LOSE!?!?" Stonedestroyer retorted.  
  
"Yea but you stupid think brained goats don't realize we don't move dat fast and sides theres only one entrance!! Hell we wouldn't even make it into their door much less up to their archers!" Bishibosh snapped back  
  
"You DAMN STUPID WIMP, Andariel's is gonna so kill you if you can't take the Rogue encampment today!!" Stonebreaker claimed.  
  
"Yea but I think she'll make you into her new fur coat if you got her army killed you stupid imprudent goat!" Bishibosh yelled back.  
  
"Oh my devil do you suck, don't you see that Andariel would reward you well for your victory?" Stonedestroyer said exasperated, "Fine how bou dis I flip dis coin it come up heads you lose and if it come up tails I win ok bishibosh?"  
  
Bishbosh nodded his head and lost his wager, before long the horde of Carvers and Goatmen charged the gates of the Rogue Encampment while the shamans stayed behind and cast fireballs while reviving fallen and carvers.  
  
Just as the demonic army rumbled towards them Ranaklh quickly threw up a quick Bone wall and ran back towards his tent.  
  
"Where the hell do you think you're going wimp?" Aldrich demanded.  
  
"Nah trust me just keep them back a little" was Ranaklh reply before he disappeared into his tent.  
  
The battle outside the camp raged as hundred of arrows flew over the Bone Wall in an arc and wiped out the first rank of the horde, soon wines slid across the ground and tripped and attack whatever fallen had managed to make it through the first wave. Aldrich axe flew across and knocked out a whole row of Carvers while Kurots spirits harassed the shamans preventing them from resurrecting their brethren. Soon Ranaklh emerged rolling along 5 large wooden barrels.  
  
"What the hell is in those barrels?" Aldrich demanded.  
  
"Well Gheed ripped me off on this stupid ring so I stole all his liquor" Ranaklh snickered. "Just hurl them over my bone wall"  
  
"Well this is a horrible waste of liquor but fine I guess" Aldrich looked pained to be giving up so many spirits.  
  
After he hurled them over the wall the Rogues launched a full salvo of fire arrows that caused a huge explosion shattering the bone wall as well as the backbone of the Demonic army on the other side, the only way into the Rogue encampment was a flaming inferno and the Demonic army was forced to scatter with heavy losses. Gheed chased Ranaklh around the camp for a while and Kurot began his drinking contest with Aldrich, the world seemed to be at peace.  
  
Meanwhile in Akara's tent.  
  
"I must admit I was startled at first when I saw those two morons barge in with that horde of demons right behind them but your plan has worked out perfectly" Kashya laughed "We won't even need more rogues to stop the evil from spreading! All we need are poor misguided fools."  
  
"Yes Kashya and I think they might be crazy enough to even take down a few of the Prime evils with them, then Sanctuary will lose both its psychos and its demons!"  
  
"So what do we do next Akara?" Kashya asked,  
  
"Why we send them to kill our enemies, first the scattered army in the Blood Moor and the Den of Evil afterwards they can probably take care of Blood Raven, besides maybe even more fools will show up later" 


End file.
